Lily's Book
by BadgerInMySoup
Summary: While cleaning the attic, Joey comes across a book that helps her understand her mother more and helps her make the biggest decision of her life.


AN- This story takes place during the third season. It's a little after Longest Day so the triangle is in full force. It came to me after I read a V.C. Andrews book. I hope you like it.

''I don't want to clean the attic.'' Joey grumbled to her older sister. ''Too bad. You have nothing to do and now you do. Go!'' Bessie said. Joey went to the attic. After a couple hours most things were clean. She picked up a box and the bottom fell through. , making all the contents fall out. Picking up a book she noticed the title _Lily's Book._

Curious, Joey sat down and opened it.

_My name is Lily Winters and I am 18 years old. My mother gave me this book to put my most secret thoughts in. I figurered I'll write about the best few days of my High School life until everything went bad._

_I'll start by writing about all my friends. First there is Gale Harris my best friend since kindergarten. We tell each other everything. Then there is her boyfriend since freshman year, Mitch Leery. He is captain of he football team and one of the most popular boys in school. Then there is my other best friend Mike Potter. The two of us grew up together too. We are best friends but lately he has been trying to make us more. There also Mary Smith who only hangs with us because of her crush on John Witter, my other oldest friend/ We fight constantly but lately I've been feeling different about him. _

_Anway, I was leaving my house one morning and saw Mike and John waiting for me. Not unusual since we have been walking to school together for years. ''Hi guys.'' I said. Mike smilied back and John just nodded, still not awake. We arrived at school and spotted Gale and Mitch in makeout mode as usual. I went to my locker and Mike went to his. John followed me to mine. ''Hey Lils, can I ask you something?'' he asked. I smilied, John was the only one who called me Lils. ''Sure.'' I said. ''I'm failing math. Think you can help me?'' he asked me. ''Sure, come over today. We'll study.'' I told him. ''Thanks Lils, I owe you.'' he said. Touching my shoulder and running off._

_''What was that about?'' Gale asked. She had finally stopped making out with Mitch. ''I'm going to help him study. No big deal.'' I told her. I could tell she knew about my feelings for John but thankfully she never pressed upon them. ''I'll talk to you later.'' I said closing my locker and heading off to class._

_After school, John and I headed back to my house. We sat down on the coch and I got us some drinks. I tried to help him study but he seemed to preoccupied. ''John, we have been working all day. What is up with you?'' I asked. ''I'm bored.'' he said. Spotting this book that fell on the couch after I dumped my bag he said ''What's this.'' Seeing what he had I shriked. ''Give that back John.'' I said holding my hand out. ''No.'' he said. He was goign to open it so I tackled him. We fell onto the floor in a heap. I was able to grab the book out of his hand and looked at him to gloat. He was looking at me with such an intense look in his eyes. Then out of no where, he leaned up and kissed me._

Joey had to re-read this part. Her mom and Pacey's dad kissed. Their relationship didn't seem so different from hers and Pacey's. She went back to the book.

_Slowly breaking apart, we looked at each other. I jumped off him and hurried into the kitchen. ''Lils, stop.'' he said coming in after me. ''Why did you kiss me?'' I asked. ''Lately, I've been feeling different about you. I don't know. I like you Lils.'' he said. I walked over to him and kissed him. Breaking apart he looked at me. ''What was that?'' he asked. ''I like you too.'' I told him. He smilied at me and kissed me._

_The next day at school I was in heaven. After a few more kisses John had to leave. We agreed we wouldn't say anything until we could figure out what was happening. I had to tell Gale at least. As predicted, she didn't seem so surprised. Still, she was happy for us. Walking to my locker I saw Mitch and John talking. They looked up at me as I got closer and John smilied shyly at me. ''Hey boys.'' I said, opeing my locker. Mitch went to fidn Gale and John turned to me. ''Hey Lils.'' he said. ''Hey John.'' I said. ''What ae you doing after school? I need more help studying.'' he said. ''Nothing at all. I can help you.'' I said. ''Thanks Winters'' he said before walking to class._

_John arrived at my house at 4:00 and said he had a surprise for me. He took me to the ruins and he had a picnic set up. I kissed him. ''John this is so nice, but I thought you had to study?'' I asked as we sat down. ''Well I need help, just not today.'' he said. After we ate, I sat between his legs as we started out at the water, kissing now and then. It was perfect._

_In school the next day, Mike cornered me and asked me to go Ice Skating with him. I was going to decline but then I thought I might as well. If I go on a date with him then I coudl gently let him down and he would stop asking me. Now I had to tell John. ''What!'' he shouted. We were studying again and I brought it up. ''John I swear, it's one date. I"ll go and then tel him we are better off as friends. Please, I need to let him down gently. I don't want to hurt him.'' I told him. He reluctently agreed and I kissed him. _

_Later that night, Mike came to pick me up. We went to the old ice pond and skated around like we did when we were kids. It was fun. Mike led me to the bench over looking the ice. ''I'm having fun Lily.'' Mike said. ''I am too.'' I told him. He took it to mean something else, for he leaned over and kissed me. I was so surprised it took my a couple of seconds to push him away. He looked confused. ''Lily?'' he asked. ''I've got to go.'' I said getting up and leaving._

Joey was shocked. She always thought her mom and dad we high school sweethearts but her mom was with John Witter.

_The next morning, I had to go find John and tell him what happened before he heard it from someone else. Walking to his house, I saw the front door open and He stepped out and right behind him was Mary Smith. ''I had fun John.'' she said, giggling. She leaned up to kiss he cheek and walked off. I stood there in anger and in pain as I watched him walk back into the house. I stomped over to the door and banged on it. He opened it and I could tell he was hung over. _

_''Hey it's Lily Winters. What's up Lils?'' he asked. ''You jerk. You slept with Mary!'' I shouted. ''Yes I did. But why should you care. You have Mike.'' he said. ''I told you, it was nothing, I was going to let him down.'' I said. ''Until he kissed you right?'' he asked. I gasped. ''How did you know?'' I asked. ''I saw you. I was walking over there ot see what was going on and I saw him and kiss you and you didn't push him away. I ran, got drunk found Mary and brought her back here.'' he said. ''I did push him away. He surprised me. It took me a couple of seconds but I pushed him away and ran. I didn't want to kiss him! I wanted to find you so I could be with you! But of course you got drunk and slept with Mary!'' I screamed at him. I was so angry. _

_''Well when I see the woman I love kissing another guy, I kind of hurts.'' he said back. I stared at him. He obviously didn't know what he let slip, since he layed onto the couch. ''You love me?'' I whispered. He slowly looked at me. Standing up he walked over to me. ''Yes I do. You probably hate me right now, but I do. I love you.'' he told me. I forgot my anger. I forgot Mary and Mike. All I saw was him. ''I love you too John.'' I said leaning up to kiss him._

_John loves me and I love him. Cue and happy ending right? Not quite. The week after this mess, John had to tell me something. Something that would ruin everything. I was sitting on my couch when he arrived. He asked me to take a walk and I said yes. He took me to the ruins. ''Lils, Mary told me something today. Apparently she um was late. She took a test and it was positive. Mary's pregnent.'' he said. It felt like my world was crumbling around me. ''It doesn't matter. We could run away. The two of us. Get out of Capeside. We could be happy.'' he said. It sounded perfect. I should have said yes. ''Mary's pregnent. You got her pregnent. You know what you have to do.'' I told him. If a guy knocked a girl up, he woudl marry her to help support her and the baby. ''Lils no. I can't. I love you.'' John said. ''You have to. Goodbye John.'' I said turing an running away from my heart. _

Joey coulnd't believe it. Her mom and Pacey's dad had been in love. Then he got Mary pregent. Flipping through the pages she saw something on the last one.

_Soon after graduation Mike and I went to college in Boston. We eventually started dating and when he propsoed I said yes. We decied to move back to Capeside. Also there was Mitch and Gale Leery. We even ran into John and Mary Witter. It was hard seeing him. Me being married to Mike didn't help. _

Something from the book fell out and Joey grabbed it. It was a letter. She opend it and read it.

_My dearest John, _

_I'm writing to you for the last time. I have breast cancer and not much time to live. I need to tell you that I never stopped loving you. I married Mike just so I could be with someone I knew but at the wedding I imagined him as you. You seem happy. You have five kids with her. Three beautiful daughters and two wonderful sons. As you know Bessie and Doug had something of a romance as well. Then Mike got arrested and they stopped seeing each other. I saw the look of digust on your face when you put Mike in the car. You never did like him. Joey and Pacey are good friends but now with her dad gone she is pulling away just as Bessie did. Me and my oldest daughter both walked away from our greatest loves. I just know that Joey will fall for Pacey. It's in her blood. I don't want her to walk away. I"ll miss you John and forever know I love you with everything._

_Forever yours, _

_Lils._

Joey wipied away her tears. Her mom loved John Witter till the day she died. Bessie had loved Doug. Now she was in love with Pacey. She wouldn't make the same mistake they made. She wouldn't walk away from her heart. She left to go to Pacey's house, bringing the letter with her.

She knocked on the door to the Witter household and John answered. ''Can I help you?'' he asled gruffly. ''Is Pacey here?'' she asked. ''Pacey get down here.'' he shouted and turned to walk away. ''Mr. Witter?'' Joey asked. He turned to her. ''This is for you.'' she said handing him the letter. She watched him read it, his eyes glisten over with tears. Pacey walked downstaris. ''Jo, what are you doing here?'' he asked. Joey walked over to him and kissed him. After they broke apart, she looked him in the eye and said, ''I love you Pace. If Dawson can't accept it, that's his problem. I'm not going to walk away from my heart.'' she said. Pacey smilied and leaned down to kiss her.

''Joey, would you like to stay for dinner?'' John asked her. Joey nodded and Pacey led her into the kitchen. She wasn't going to let me mom down. She wouldn't lose her heart.


End file.
